------

The first time he had her after New Caprica, she tasted of despair, desire and desperation.

It felt more like an exorcism.

--

That could have been a sign of things to come, but Sam has the dilemma of loving her without restraint.

--

The mornings after are the hardest.

Gets worse each time. When he wakes up, she's rarely there.

--

He knows she's excited about The Dance. That's just about the only thing she's excited about these days.

'What the hell's The Dance?' Damn military.

'Boxing match,' she shrugs. 'Everyone tosses in their tags. Ranks don't matter. We punch it out in the ring.'

Surprised, he asks, 'So the Admiral could pick Gaeta?'

She snorts, and laughs. 'Yeah.'

--

He hopes she'll stay. Each time. After. But always, he is left disappointed, bereft.

He misses her. Oh, how he misses her.

--

When he sees them just about killing each other in the ring, his first instinct is wild-eyed concern. Which turns into sickening despair, when Dee hints that's just one perspective.

So when fighters turn into lovers and melt into each other's arms - literally - he tells Dee he's outta there and means it.

He'll never have their history. Their years at the Academy. Their time onboard Galactica.

In the face of Lee Adama and Kara Thrace's star-crossed love, Sam Anders has the misfortune of coming ever after.

--

But he knows that when Kara comes into his bunk, he doesn't have the heart to say no. To tell her to take her messed-up self elsewhere - to Lee frakking Adama, to be precise.

Because this is the price of his love.

--

She stops by his bunk that night.

He pretends to be asleep, because his heart can only take so much. He doesn't need a visceral reminder that she's been with another man.

'Frak, Sam,' she says quietly. 'You've been crying.'

'Nah,' he chortles, 'what the hell are you talking about?'

She's about to say something when he sits up. 'I, uh. Bathroom. Yeah. Gotta go.'

You loved me once. What about now?

She sighs. Grabs him by the arm. Pulls him back down.

'I can tell when you're lying, Sam.'

He manages a sad chuckle.

'You saw me fight Lee in the ring.'

'Yep.'

'That why you're all cut up?'

He stays quiet.

'Nothing happened,' she says, getting irritated, and he closes his eyes, waiting for the onslaught.

'We were beating the living daylights out of each other,' she mutters, 'figured that might make you happy. Why the hell are you so sad for?'

She's trembling about as hard as he is.

Words divide. Wound. Incapacitate. And all Kara knows is pain.

So he slips his fingers in between hers. Places her hand on his heart. And lets her figure out the rest.

THE END